Is your house fat?

in its place, because there is a place for everything in the house and everything is in its place.

in its place, because there's a place for most things in the house, and most things are in their place.

near its place, because there's a place for most things in the house, but most things are in something else's place.

in a few days, because my stuff usually remains in the vicinity of the place they were last used.

every day.

every second day.

when I can notice the dust on my finger tips.

when I can taste the dust on the cutlery.

is my best friend.

is a great tool.

is in the broom cupboard.

ran off with the broom.

smell like spring and my tiles and linoleum floors shine.

are vacuumed and my tiles and linoleum floors have been swept.

don't smell and the tile and linoleum floors will be swept soon.

may be inhabited by small mammals. I once had to call in professional help, because my youngest child got stuck on the linoleum in the kitchen.

I never squeeze the tube in the middle. I always put the cap back on and return it to its place in the bathroom cabinet.

I sometimes squeeze the tube in the middle, if I'm not paying attention. But I immediately regret it and squeeze the tube back into shape. I put the cap back on and leave it next to the basin, because it saves time.

I don't mind if the tube is squeezed from the end or the middle. I sometimes forget to put the cap back on, but get upset with my family members if they forget it.

it is usually finished, so I squeeze and grunt until I get a spattering of toothpaste from the five tubes lying on the bathroom counter. I can't find the cap, but suspect that it might be in my sock. I wear the sock anyway.

is soft and clean - just like the towels on the neat stack in the bathroom closet.

is dry - just like the towels on the stack in the bathroom closet.

needs a wash, so I use my spouse's.

smells like a wet dog, but I use it anyway, because the ones lying on the floor smell even worse.

is the liquid kind, in an attractive dispenser, which is always full.

gets replaced with a new bar every week, or before I get visitors.

gets replaced when it needs replacing.

resembles a cracked heel - with pubic hair. My oldest child once cut himself in the shower, on a thin, hard sliver of soap. Who knew that could happen?!

is velvety two-ply, coming over the top of the roller dispenser, with the end neatly folded into a triangle.

is two ply.

is single ply.

is single ply, course, and finished. Luckily I have that bulk bag of toilet paper stashed in the bath!

is in the hamper. The hamper is clean and nearly empty. The potpourri in the lid makes it smell great.

is in the hamper. The hamper is nearly clean and nearly full. The aerosol spray covers any bad smells.

is near the hamper. The hamper lid is balanced on top of the pile of dirty clothes protruding from the hamper. When I can begin to smell it, I do the washing.

is evenly spread around the house. My hamper contains a huge stack of magazines. The smell of my house covers the smell form the laundry.

is in the closet, neatly stacked, or hanging in its place.

is stacked in the closet.

is stacked on the double bed in the spare bedroom.

is evenly spread around the house.

is a brand new, shiny, quiet, automatic model. It fits neatly into the space created for it in the laundry.

is an older automatic model. It is a bit noisy, but it is standing in the far corner of the kitchen, so I don't mind.

is an old twin tub. It is taking up a lot of space in the kitchen and the water outlet that hooks over the side of the sink gets in my way.

is broken. It started leaking and making a strange grinding sound a year ago. It is still standing in the bathroom, but I have to wash by hand.

is a brand new, shiny, quiet, automatic model. It fits neatly into the space created for it in the laundry.

is an older automatic model. It is a bit noisy, but it is standing in the far corner of the kitchen, so I don't mind.

is great for heating up the house. It doesn't look too bad, standing in the corner of the living room.

is broken. I moved it into the spare bedroom, so that I have more space in the lounge to hang the washing.

is white. I like the way I can easily spot the dirt. I wipe the counter tops every time I leave the kitchen.

is oak. I like the way the oak hides the dirt. I wipe the counter tops regularly, though.

is dirty. I just can't get ahead with the dirty dishes. I do try, but I guess I could try harder.

is a biohazard. I can't find a clean dish anywhere. What's the use? The dishes will just get dirty again anyway!

is neat and tidy. There's a lot of space to spare, because I get rid of anything that might get spoilt before they do. I have a box of baking soda in the door, to catch any smells. As if!

is neat and tidy. It is a little full, but there are a few things I can throw out if I need more space for leftovers. Ooh, that doesn't look too good anymore... Luckily I have a box of baking powder to catch the smell!

is full. I stack stuff on top of others, if I am in a hurry. The refrigerator works great! Look, we had this for dinner the day before yesterday. It's still good!

is hard to close. The stuff inside the fridge is pushing the door from the inside. No, it is not trying to get out, silly! It is just full! My children sometimes grab something from the fridge, if they forgot to do a project for biology class. Ooh! When did we have this?

is crisp and clean, just like all the others in the bottom drawer.

is dry, just like the other one on the cloth rack.

is dirty. Now where did I put the clean ones?

is somewhere in the house. Oh, now I remember. Jack used it to wipe that second-hand carburettor he bought.

is clean and almost empty. It is so easy to replace the rubbish bag, so I do it often.

is clean. Rubbish bags cost money, so I wait until it is almost full before replacing it.

is full and dirty again. I'll change the bag tomorrow, and sommer wash the bin at the same time, before it attract too many flies.

is not big enough. I have one of those green ones with the wheels. We don't use rubbish bags, so the big bin works better for us. I just make sure to wheel the bin out to the curb before the maggots start to fly.

is clear, all my papers are filed away, my pens are all working, my pencils are all sharpened to a needle point and they are neatly colleted in an attractive penholder.

is almost clear. The few papers I worked on today are still there, but most of my stuff is filed away. My pens work, but there are a few dull pencils in the mug I use to keep them together.

has a healthy mix of papers, books and magazines. I just wish the junk mail would stop pouring in, because it really clutters my workspace. I have a number of pens and pencils, but finding one that works takes a while.

is a mess. I hate it when these darn candy wrappers get stuck to my important documents! I open the pizza boxes on top of the computer to smell if it is still okay before I take a bite. Hey! Who stole my computer?! Oh... there it is.

is alphabetical.

is proprietary. You have to know it to find things.

consists of shoe boxes with labels.

is based on chaos theory.

contains great books in attractive, gilded leather bindings. It looks great.

contains my favourite literary works. It looks okay.

contains books, magazines and shoeboxes with labels. Hey! So that's where my running shoe has been hiding!

is being used to hold up one corner of my son's car, while he is looking for some replacement tyres. He should find some soon. It has been three months, after all. In the mean time, the magazine recipes, the Polaroid photographs and my collection of paper restaurant napkins are lying on the floor, the desk and the chair.

is a compact little notebook. It does everything I need and looks great.

is a laptop. It is not the newest model, so I have a few external devices that help me do what I need.

is a desktop PC. It is old and a little dirty, but it does most of the things I need.

is a desktop PC with case modifications. The case has been standing open for a year, but I think I will be able to find the panels once I'm finished with it. If it breaks, I can usually replace the defective part with one from my "backup" computers.

when I need them.

when I need them, but will buy stuff that is on sale, even if I don't need them right now.

when I feel like it. I also save things, because they might be useful someday. If there is a sale, I buy two.

if I see something I like. I always buy a spare, and when the first one breaks, I keep that one for spare parts.

to the dump - if I feel they don't need them anymore.

and keep them for a week. But if they haven't come to fetch it by then, I will sell it.

and store it for 2 years, or until they forget about it.

if they are going to give it away anyway.

only the things I need.

only the things I want to keep.

only the things that will fit.

everything.

as soon as I no longer need them. If I haven't used it in a month, I can live without it.

on a regular basis.

as soon as it gets in my way.

as soon as pigs fly.